jeudi, novembre 29, 2007

muse - feeling good


yup coz i do. here are the twin towers in kuala lumpur, malaysia.

samedi, novembre 24, 2007

lost my baby


this morning, the friend that i cherished the most died.
mon chat noir adoré, mon caviar, a été euthanasié à 13 ans, ce matin. il agonisait depuis 2 semaines à cause d'un cancer du foie. j'adore ce chat, c'est mon ami le plus cher, et la relation avec lui était assez étrange, très exclusive.

j'étais la seule à avoir le droit de l'approcher, de le toucher, de le nourrir, de dormir avec lui... il s'installait à côté de moi quand je travaillais, il me réconfortait par sa seule présence.

i think i loved him.
j'ai vécu 7 ans avec lui, et je ne pourrai jamais le remplacer.
l'autre chat, victor, se rend sûrement compte de la mort de son colocataire; ils ont été ensemble depuis leur naissance. il est tout seul, mais lui est vivant... pour l'instant.
je n'arrive pas à pleurer, ni à respirer d'ailleurs. j'ai tellement mal. je voudrais qu'il soit là, mais je ne le reverrai jamais.

il était le reflet de mon coeur, noir, secret, exclusif, étrange, mais capable d'aimer un être plus que tout. il était magnifique, avec son pelage couleur d'ébène, brillant, et ses yeux verts se sont fermés sur l'infini qu'il cachait dans son petit corps de félin. il semblait me comprendre, me soutenir, au-delà des mots. le toucher me faisait oublier ma douleur, je me noyais dans la douceur qu'il daignait m'offrir.



j'ai perdu mon bébé
i lost my baby

vendredi, novembre 23, 2007

rain is like millions of tears, and they don't wet me anymore

archive - sleep

The enemy is after me again
Afraid of the sea and what’s down there
I need to sleep
It’s been a whole week

Cos tears keep falling into my pool
Bright lights driving right into me cold

I need to sleep
It’s been a whole week

Cos tears keep falling into my pool
Bright lights driving right into me cold

My bones keep breaking
Tearing me away from the quiet
The silence of my soul, of my soul from the quiet

Night time, gruelling, just time to waste
Heights they kill me, leave scarring on my face

Cos’ I never, ever, ever fall into sleep?
And I’ve never ever ever felt so weak

Cos’ tears keep falling into my pool
Bright lights driving right into me cold

My bones keep breaking
Tearing me away from the quiet
The silence of my soul, of my soul from the quiet

I wanna fall down (Repeat x 5)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy5pQrsSxoQ

"say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in"
for it seemed black and cold, like a winter night. but night has never been so beautiful. a few stars are offering their light from distances that reach beyond infinity. there's no moon to be seen yet. some clouds pass by and drop showers of cold rain, like a transparent curtain, or a veil to cover the world's misery and wash dirt away. who will ever see the exquisite way in which this cloak undulates, leaving almost nothing to be seen, and blurring the very sight of oneself? who will ever stop by behind a window, dazzled, fascinated by this strange need to look at the rain, to just follow the tiny paths traced by the droplets on the glass? never run under the rain... stay there, standing under the seemingly everlasting river falling from the black sky, drenched in pain. then one will feel the loneliness coming from the deepest corner of the mind, in rags, always demanding for love, for a face to look up to, for someone who's there, who needs love too. the way we humans love is strange; it is wonderful, although detestably hurtful. we get a glimpse of what joy is, then suffer. how interesting. how weak we are. what does "i love you" mean anyway? i never lied when i said those words. some people do, all the time. and they deserve death, although it's too much of a sweet punishment. they should live, with a knife turning slowly inside of their heart, just slow enough to let the wound open without being deadly. just to see what it does, how it aches. there will be a time when they will be fairly judged and tortured. but not by me. i will only watch them suffer under a pouring rain, this cold water forcing me into feeling alive, as alive and lucky as i am right now. i cannot rely on luck, but i shall keep the warmth and the serenity that it gave me. i will keep it as the most precious thing in the whole dying world. and neither the rain, as cold as it might be, nor anyone, will manage to take it away. life won't leave this body of mine. not yet. i won't permit it. i need to live in felicity as much as i can, until it fades, although it won't, as long as what remains of my heart can still beat. i give up all the harshness that might still be inside of me. i bid farewell to the pain, the horrid void that surrounds the torn pieces of my soul. i daresay that i actually still have one, but it's as shattered as a crystal glass that one would have let fall. i don't think i can get all the pieces together. there will still be lost bits. like in every human who has known love and felt it at its climax, its excess of violent, painful and yet silent adoration. mute passion has that terrifying power, like water, to wash everything away, to drown, suffocate and throw us back out, broken and still craving.
and then, if we happen to be lucky, the sun...

lundi, novembre 19, 2007

que dire...


...que faire?... j'adore ce wp

archive + massive attack + ♥ = lust for life



lust for air, for joy, for hope. lust for a contact to the world. lust to be connected with reality just as it's getting warmer like a good dream. the void in my chest closes.
am i out of hell now?

vendredi, novembre 16, 2007

je suis un yuka!!


et une mère noël et une catwoman. mais sinon tout va très bien.
*multifonctions!!*
non, je n'ai rien à dire. non.
même pas de plainte contre le monde.
que d'alle.
elles font peur les cartes parfois... on s'y voit Oo

alors 1+1=1 si on se fait planter, 1+1=2 si on a de la chance, 1+1=3 si on fait pas gaffe, 1+1=10 en binaire (mici damien!)

samedi, novembre 03, 2007

******Stardust

was a beautiful movie, about a guy who promises the girl he wants, to bring back a shooting star from a magical land beyond the wall that separates the "real" world from this magical kingdom. the problem is, that the shooting star is actually shaped as a woman whose heart grants eternal life. so her heart is wanted by the king's sons who all crave to be the new king, and also witches who wish to have eternal youth. and um, then things get quite complicated, it's like a race through the land to be the first to get the shooting star before the boy tries to bring "her" to the real world. the star eventually falls in love of the boy, who's a little slow so he admits only later that he loves her, blah blah blah. with beautiful special effects (+blood^^), a dazzling music, good actors and a storyline that lets viewers remember the lord of the rings, harry potter and some random fairy tales, i strongly suggest this film to anyone who likes (heroic) fantasy, or just wants to escape a bit from reality.
this is, in my opinion, the most beautiful quote of the movie:
Yvaine(the star): You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.
i think that this resumes about everything one would seek to say